Sad...

I am 24 years old. I have no degree, I'm always broke, and my life is nothing like I had imagined it. I am single again after three years and it almost feels as if the past three years of my life were waisted. My credit is shit and all of my accounts are negative. I don't know where my life is going and I don't know what I am doing after January 1st. I will have not job and no apartment. My life is a disaster.

EPCOT

My transfer is complete. Today will be my third day working at Epcot. So much better than All Star! I am on Test Track for the next two weeks but I'm hoping to get some Mission Space shifts in as well. I was deployed to MouseGear yesterday. That place was mad busy. The time flew by. Love it! Tonight will be my first shift past 9. I cannot wait to hear Illuminations!

Fall Program

I am super excited about the Fall Program! I have already started talking to CP's, many starting tomorrow, and I think good times are headed my way. Lot's of gay boys of course. ;)

I cannot wait for Miss Jessie N to get here!

Extension

I got my extension. I will be staying in Merchandise. The location was not listed so I do not know where I will be going. If I get All-Star again, I am going to the Program Office and seeing about a transfer. I really hope this Fall program is as awesome as last year. This summer has been extremely dull.

Currently, I am trained as an All-Star Package Runner. I get to drive the company van around Walt Disney World from 11am to 730pm. I work for all three All-Stars and Yacht and Beach Club. That's 5 resorts I answer to. I get to carry a Nextel and no really knows where I am at any time. When I don't have calls, I'll drive around mindlessly, or visit friends on their breaks, or just sit in the AC'd van and listen to music. It's pretty awesome. I don't deal with guest at all (except for the few I encounter while being onstage in resorts and the parks). It's a pretty sweet gig.

A Guy...

So I have been kind of seeing this guy. We both agreed not to make anything official (we are not boyfriends). We are just dating and having a bit of fun. I'm not ready to call anyone boyfriend just yet. It would be too weird. He's a CP and his program ends in August. He is going back to Ohio to finish up some classes, then wants to move back to Orlando.

I had a whole year to get over George emotionaly. As I said before, things had been off between us since my last program. So I don't feel that I'm rushing into anything. I'm just enjoying what was missing in my life. Me being happy is all that matters.

Now I find out that the guy is leaving on Sunday to go visit his parents (currently on vacation) in Atlanta and he does not know when he will be back. He's going to see some specialist about medical issues and may not return to Orlando if things are bad. So I have two days left with him. This really sucks! Turns out he'll be gone at least a week. :(

So here is my problem. Instead of just enjoying his company and having a good time, I kept comparing it to what I had (and of course it was far from it) and I was not happy. I put myself back into the feelings that I have had for the past year, complete confusion, and it was driving me crazy. Now that he is gone, I have a chance to step back and think about things. I really need to take some time to myself and not worry about anyone else. I need this break!

In case anyone is interested. This guy never came back. In fact, he completey cut communication with everyone here. None of know what happened to him. I know he's alive cause his profile continued to update for awhile. I eventually deleted him from everything I own. Stupid douche bag.

It's Official

I called my boyfriend while on break yesterday and asked him if we are okay. I then called him and we talked about our relationship. We both decided to stop pretending and call it was it is. Our relationship dissolved into just a friendship. We both felt relief after the decision. One less thing to stress about. We both agreed that our lives our headed in different directions and we were holding each other back. So in January, I will return to Fort Lauderdale and we will go over the moving arrangements. I will probably stay with him till April (when our lease ends) and then I will try and move to Orlando. I plan to go Seasonal at Disney and get a full time job somewhere else. 

Stalkers and Crappy Paychecks

I hate All-Star! At least I have met some cool girls to hang with (I think I am the only gay person in Merch.) I know F&B has them because one is stalking me. Always calling me from different numbers (I think he ask to use random people's phone on the bus). I am afraid to answer unknown numbers because I do not want to talk to him. He is the flatmate of a friend of mine, Chester. Chester tells me that Jackson (stalker) often refers to our potential meeting as dates (I have not seen him in two weeks). If I do answer by mistake, he always says "I want to see you" and trys to meet up with me. It has not worked yet. I am always gone. Chester says that Jackson is an asshole and is probably only talking to me because he thinks he'll get sex. WRONG! I answered by mistake that other night and told him that he could stop by on his way out. I waited an hour. I assumed he wasn't coming and left. He finally showed up and left me a voicemail about how he thinks I'm avoiding him and he thinks that shitty. Guess he is finally getting the hint. lol

I got my first real paycheck a week ago. It was 200 and some dollars. That was more than I expected. I guess I got some overtime only having one day off a week. My most recent paycheck was only 140 something. Crap! After paying my insurance of 100 dollars, I was only left with 40. It is now Saturday and I have 9 dollars left and no gas. I will be taking the bus to work this week and I will be eating instant noodles everyday. :(

Feel free to donate to my cause. Text for the address. ;)

Today, I will be going to HStud/Epcot with a friend. My first Saturday off. Not that it matters. Everyone else is working.

Drunk @ House of Blues

I get home from Gay Days at Epcot and my drunk roommate wants to go to HOB. I agree and start drinking as well. I didn't have my phone on Sunday so we had to make sure that we did not get seperated. He decided to wear his Pumas after I advised against it. We take to bus there only to find out that HOB is having a private party (some Paul Mitchell hair thing) and it will cost 20 per person to enter. My roommate decides to pay for us both since he really wanted to dance.

We get inside and it is like 1980 whatever. Neon colors and spiked hair everywhere. It was amazing! My roommate insists on buying me drinks and I get fuk'd up really fast.

At some point in the night, he leaves me on the floor with some people that we had just met (I'm still waiting for that girl to text me) and we get seperated. I look all over that place for him. Finally, my drunk ass gets really sick and I head for the bathroom. After some throwing up, I walk as fast as I can out of HOB and straight to the bus stop (don't know how I got there).

There is a bus waiting and I get on. The noise and the lights fuck with me and I get sick again. I remember someone talking about someone being gay as I left the bus (don't think he was talking about me). After being sick again, I sit on a bench. I wake up (yes, I passed out on the bench) and there is another bus waiting. I was too sick to move and just sat there. I saw the bus pull away. I woke up again and a third bus is sitting there. This time, I forced myself up and over to the bus. I'm really not sure how I sat there that long and Security never came and woke me up. Anyways, the bus driver was yelling at me (said he didn't have to take me anywhere) and finally let me on the bus. I had to hold a trash bag to my face the entire time (his orders).

I woke up at Vista Way. After realizing that it was VW, I passed back out until Chatham. Some how, I got off the bus and made it to my room. I even managed to put a trash can by my bed, just in case. I never needed it.

My alarm did not go off but I someone how managed to wake up at 1030am on my own. I felt like shit and did not want to work (12pm). I stumbled to the living room and found my location call-in number. Then I went back to sleep.

When I woke up again a few hours later, I found little red dots all over my hands and arms. Something, at the bus stop (while passed out) had bit me all over. Today, almost a week later, the red dots have become bumps and they have become bright red. I look like I have chicken pox. A few of us are still debaiting as to what insect bit me. I think it was ants.

As for my roommate, I found out the next morning that he looked for me as well, then tried to find the bus stop. He failed and walked from Downtown Disney to Chatham Square. At some point, he ended up in water up to his ankles, ruining his Pumas, and he tossed them (he walked part of the way in socks).

I had a pretty crazy weekend with Gay Days. The moral of this story, don't leave your drunk, phoneless friends to fend for themselves. Also, don't wear your good shoes to a club. You never know what will happen.

The End.

Week Two...

Week two and already i am seeing relationships and strong friendships. I'm a bad boyfriend and my relationship is failing and i don't think any of my friends really care how i'm feeling. I'm always trying to make everyone happy and never talk about myself. I'm stressed out every second the day over something, keeping me on the edge and easily irritated. Ppl see me unhappy way more than happy and no one cares to ask why. I feel like i am the only person that makes an effort to see me. I'm a situational friend i guess. Only good when there is no one else. Am i a bad friend or just a bad person is general? Sometimes i just want to break down and cry but i have not done so in years. Why am i always so unhappy?

All-Star Sports Goofy

Yes. That is where I am working. I am not too happy about it either. I did not want to go back to All-Star. :( I really really wanted to work in the parks. Now I will have to check the Hub every 5 minutes so that I can pick up Extra Hours somewhere else.

I checked in on Monday. The process was streamlined and I did everything in 1 day. I did not have to go to Traditions today so I am off again. I start training tomorrow. I live in Chatham Square in a two bedroom apartment. There is only one straight guy living in our apartment and of course he is my roommate. :( I have been staying at a friend's place in Buena Vista Place (behind Magic Kingdom) and I got to see Wishes every night (minus the music). My five days in Orlando have been awesome.

I do not have the internet so I will not be on again in a while.